Lactating Parents Club

Yes.  This is another post about breast-feeding.  I'm sorry but when it's your only special talent, you end up talking about it (and displaying it in public) too much.  I produce whole milk.  I produce fat and happy babies - all without so much as a thought.  What can I say?  It just comes naturally.  And it's special.

This month, the lactating club around my house had a new member join up.  Jace thought driving to Casa Grande to pick up 16 day old calves would be a good idea.  I tried telling him that he would not be a good substitute for the mama cows udders.  I tried telling him how much work it would be - he would be way in over his head!  He knows nothing about proper head cradling positions, proper latching techniques, colic, ensuring adequate hydration, and analyzing the newborn poop.

But all my warnings fell on deaf, naive ears.  He could not think of anything else.  Talk of anything else.  He hauled those poor orphan calves up the mountain and started his 2X a day feedings.  Soon those cows took over his mornings, his evenings, his thoughts and prayers, and my kitchen.  There was milk substitute to be mixed, mathematical formulas converting pints to gallons and then back to quarts to be figured, bottles and nipples to be washed and sanitized.

It wasn't until they starting dropping like flies that he admitted to his fellow club member that maybe 16 calves at once was just a few too many.  After all those feedings and stall cleanings.  After all that Pepto bismol and all the antibiotic shots, those cows were leaving this life faster than Jace could count.  Jace was saddened and confused.   After 2 weeks, we he went from 16 calves to 4 calves.  That's right.  4.  And I think it's worth mentioning that all 4 of the surviving, prancing calves are little girl calves.  I want to say that I think Jace learned his lesson but he I can hear him now talking in the other room about ordering just Holstein calves next time maybe they are a heartier breed.

I am going to tell him again tonight that the lesson to be learned here is this:  Unless you are born with the equipment attached - Leave the nursing of newborns to the mothers.  Go on home and eat dinner with your other 4 (real) children.

Love you Jace.  Maybe we could think of another club we could join together?  Book club?  Our kids our the cutest club? Chess?  Let me know.  I'll let you be club president.