Looked who graced us with her presence.

Mikale Jaree Baum

September 21, 2010 8:16 pm

7 lbs. 12 oz. 20 3/4 inches

She is tiny and lovely. She is cut from a different mold. We have no idea who she looks like yet and we have decided to keep her. She has been so quiet and sweet today. She has no idea yet how much she is loved.

Her name?

Jace chose both names. While pregnant I wasn't convinced but as soon as I saw her, Mikale was the only name that came to mind. I couldn't even remember the other names on the list. She was named for two of our favorite people. Her Grandpa Michael Seaman and her Aunt Addie Jaree. If I haven't said it before about these two, let it be known - we are big fans. We love and admire them both. Mikale has big shoes to fill. We are so thankful she is here.

As I type.....

I am in labor.

Impressed?

Don't be.

My labors consist of laying around a hospital ALL day waiting for someone to hook up a pitocin I.V., followed quickly by an epidural.

But none the less, today is the DAY! I have waited exactly 40 weeks for this day and am so looking forward to sleeping on my back tonight without passing out.

Of course, my Jace came with me this morning....but he is already off again. Have I told you he can't sit still very long? He decided to close on another fixer upper today. Today! He has important papers to sign and fax. He told me he has a good feeling about this house, even if right now the kitchen has rooster wall paper and it smells like poop. Soon enough that will all be fixed. House pictures are coming soon.

Jace has also told me that he will come back for me today. Me and his 4th child.

I love that guy.

I'll keep you posted.

p.s. who is impressed with Show Low's hospital's wi-fi? And no, we still do not have a name.

By the way....

We live in Heber these days. Jace sold my house in Chandler. We had talked about it for months and in the end he won. Again.


But the hotter it gets and the more pregnant I get, the smarter I think that man is and his decision to take the check and run. Home. To the cooler mountain air.


Life has slowed down. Most days we are bored to tears in Heber. Ezra wants nothing more than to "go home" on most days and "see his Imran" (our 35 year old Chandler neighbor). And the older children attempt to give each other wedgies all day. Long.



But life is good. I loved my barn house. My neighborhood in Chandler. My neighbors. My ward. My children's school. But I have had zero sadness (except for you, Addie). My children now swim in their underwear on our weekend fishing trips.


And one of the main topics of conversation these days is...

HER.

We are getting a "sister" baby. We can't wait to meet her and as Ezra says see her "tinsy toes."

Oh, what to name her?

This summer's forecast doesn't predict very many more bored days. Jace and I have purchased some fixer uppers. Oh, how we love a challenge. Before pictures coming soon. After pictures following soon after.

Motherhood

I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I have been counting down days and weeks until this stage of motherhood will end. Grateful the nausea has left but devastated that most of my pants no longer button. I don't love or even like being pregnant. I will give birth any day of the week. I find the experience completely fulfilling and emotional. But pregnancy? I struggle to find the joy in it. The pounds gained during pregnancy not only pain and weigh my hips, feet, and back down but I'm ashamed to say my soul as well.

photos by Justin Hackworth

Funny how a little perspective is all we need sometimes. I watched Stephanie's video this morning. I have a healthy body and healthy skin. Skin that stretches with the new life inside me. I have healthy children. Children I get the privilege to know and love. I can choose to have more children. I can choose to see my eternal role as a mother as a privilege.

Ezra is sick today. Threw up all night. He climbed into my lap this morning and sat. I bounced his growing body on my leg and soon his appendages sagged. He had fallen asleep. On me! He had choosen me over the beloved blue blanket. I got to study his relaxed face and feel his body's heat against mine. Just like I used to do, a hundred times a day, when he was just a baby. My long night of interrupted sleep to clean up after him and large loads of laundry this morning was all worth it. I was reminded of how a child can love their mother, like I love mine. Sometimes it is only her that can give me what I need. I can and will be that for my children as well. And it is a gift.

I will probably continue to mourn my "skinny clothes" for a little while more but I'm grateful for the reminders today of my purpose here. I will try hard to find the beauty in this stage of motherhood because like Stephanie said, "I am [Lindsay Baum] and I am not my body............motherhood and beauty are one. They are the same thing."

It should be noted that while I do not enjoy the gestation period, my husband does. He finds pregos completely attractive. Just ask my sisters. He can't get enough of them. And for that I love him. A lot.

Growing. Things.

Easter was everything it should be. Spring weather, dresses, egg hunts, ham, General Conference, friends, and family. But the highlight of the day was this:

If you have spoken or seen my Jace lately, you've heard talk of chickens. And farms. And more chickens. He loves to watch his growing herd. He tells me the name of the breed the white chickens are, or the brown, or the black chickens. He tells me things like, "You'll like them. They will grow up to be short and round." Or things like, "Those right there, they will lay brown eggs."

He bribes the children with quarters and dollar bills. They will rub his back and neck. Well, most the children will. The child on the right is one very distracted masseuse.

The children are almost as proud as Jace of their growing chickens.

And what was suppose to be my growing project, has turned into Jace's other pride and joy. My focus these days is on growing children and a growing belly. Isn't it the most lovely raised garden you've seen? We hope to see it through. And for the record, I put most of the plants into the ground and I've pulled a couple hundred weeds....it's just the watering part I can't seem to remember.

And speaking of of growing things. How about Spiderman's hair? He was sporting this du for months. Jace couldn't take it anymore and buzzed his head this week (no, I did not cry). Often people ask me if my hair looked like Macy's when I was younger.....recently I was able to point to another child of mine's head and answer, "Not really. More like his curls." His loose, fine, sweaty curls. Love that kid.

**Can I just tell you? A couple minutes ago while sitting at my desk, loading pictures, I felt dizzy. Like the ground was shaking or that my pregnant self was going to pass out. I would move my hands from the desk to my legs. My whole body was rocking or so it seemed. Am I going crazy? I would look at Macy standing next to me. Why can't she feel that? I am crazy. Then Jace walks through and casually mentions, "California just had a 6.9 earthquake. The neighbor's pool water was splashing." Wow. Turns out I'm not so crazy. Turns out I'm just "earthquake sensitive." So now not only am I going to have food to eat when the world ends, I can carry a concealed weapon (as of last week), and I sense earthquakes. Jace is one lucky duck.

In Recent News...

I ran over the last puppy, Lucy. And though, my last post sounded harsh and cold hearted, let it be known - I cried. All day. "Who runs over puppies, seriously? And doesn't even feel it?"

Jace said lots of people apparently run over their own dogs. On accident.

Apparently, his own mother ran over 3 in one week.

Ezra still reminds me of how I "died" his Lucy.

It was a tragic day at the Baum house.

Jace and some Heber boys built me a garage and that my friends, is concrete Macy is riding on. Is there anything better in the world than concrete? Oh, glory.

Well, I can think of maybe one other thing. How about a garage parked, black SUV this summer when the temperature is 114? Hallelujah.

And a note about this guy. Noah. He turned 6 last month. He is about the best thing ever. I loved his parent teacher conference yesterday. He read me books he had written in class and showed me pictures he had drawn. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. Noah is a great student. And for some reason, Jace and I find it completely endearing and hilarious.

This is the only picture I got of Macy on 80's day. The tights. The leg warmers. The denim jacket. THE HAIR. It was my 8 year old self reincarnated. I wanted nothing more than to have big hair like Mauriah and Kirsten. Good thing Kim didn't know that natural curls and brushes don't mix. I walked around with frizzy, big hair well past the 80's. Macy's teacher explained to Jace and I yesterday that 2nd graders are social creatures by nature.

You don't say?

And speaking of hair. My hair is still always a mess.

As is my life these days.

I want to wear a sign on my forehead.

Jace wants to shout it from the rooftop.

Lindsay is not rude, or lazy, or usually forgetful. She doesn't usually cry this much. Or puke this much. She usually loves food and comes running at meal time. Her bedtime has not always been 6pm.

The sign on my forehead would read and the rooftop explaination would go something like this:

Lindsay is pregnant.

We told the kids weeks ago. We told them one morning at breakfast. Jace said, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, your mother ran over the dog yesterday. Lucy is dead."

We let that sink in for awhile.

"No, you can't see the body."

"No, I don't think she buried it on the property."

"Ask your Mother where Lucy's body is."

He then continued with the good news.

"The good news is....."

"We are getting a new puppy?" The kids asked with voices much too high and eyes too big in their heads.

"Well, no. What would be better than a new puppy?"

Silence.

Finally.....Macy squeaks, "A new baby?"

Yes! Yes! A new baby! In September!

Macy squealed and proceeded to call and tell everyone she knew. She has picked out at least 89 names for her sister and a place for the crib in her room.

The boys. Well, they still aren't buying it.

They still dream of puppies and find it hard to believe that a baby is in my belly. I told them if it is a girl, we will name her Lucy. They had a hard time believing that was a fair trade.

And the last item of news for the day is....

Lindsay and her mother, Kim, and daughter, Macy were choosen for this project HERE.

Exciting, right?

Do you think if I asked CJane could come? And bring Stephanie? And we could all eat lunch together?

I'm pushing it. I know.

Do you think any of my pants will still fit?

Just a glimpse. Into my heart.

Jace keeps bringing dogs home. We have housed 9 dogs since our arrival in Chandler.

That's right. I said Nine. The doors keeps revolving. I'm sure their is a name for people like us who test drive pets.

I sold a puppy yesterday to Wes. So, we are now down to 4 Jack Russells.

5 dogs, a couple rainy/muddy days, and snot noses. Turns out- it is not a great combination for my sanity. I've lost it. I was crying this morning in the car, while taking my kids to school and Gabriella was singing to Troy....

"I've got to go my own my way.....I've got to move on and be who I am." - She sang. And I cried.

I had never owned a dog until Jace came along. Mauriah was allergic. Mike threw rocks at the neighbor's barking pets. Addie was terrified. It never could have worked.

I am a lover of children and husbands. I want to take care of them. I want to feed, water, pet, potty train, and walk them. Everyday. There is not a lot of room left in my small heart.

Today I met Wendy. She was parked up at the top of my street. She was looking concerned. She was on her cell phone. I sped by fast. Wendy followed me home.

"Is that your dog?"

Pause. Crap.

"Yep."

"And you have another, named Max?"

Another pause. Double crap.

"Yep."

"They were running down the middle of Copper Rd. I got Max to jump into my car but I could not get the other one to come with me. I was so worried. If my dogs were running in the middle of the road, I would be so scared."

Nice.

"I'm so sorry."

"Do you think I could keep Max?"

Don't answer to quickly. She'll think you have a small, cold heart.

"yyyyess."

Don't think bad thoughts about me. Max is going to love his new home. And I know those puppies are adorable. And I know how much Ezra loves his "tinies." I really want to be a dog lover. But I must. I must. Get rid of a couple more dogs. If you love dogs and are concerned about their safety while running down majors roads - call me. We can arrange for the happy trade of the dogs for my sanity back.

Parties, Earrings, and Covenants

The day was cold and quiet. She wore the same dress I did when I was baptized by my father 20 years ago at the same building. She sang a primary song with Noah. She was worried her curls wouldn't make it all the way under and that she would have to be dunked again and again. But in the end, that would have been ok with her, the water was warm. She asked "backstage" in her dripping wet dress if she could swim a lap or maybe just to the steps? We ate her favorite roast beef sandwiches. I was so proud of her. And her Dad.

Turning eight at our house not only means baptism but also earrings. We have been talking about this day for years but in the end it almost didn't happen. Mattie held her hands. Macy cried and changed her mind. I held her head. And it was over before she knew it started. Five minutes later, she was posing in the streets.

Mattie, along with her Mom, Grandma, sisters, and cousins showed up on our doorstep the morning of her birthday. It was the best birthday surprise. It invoked tears, squeals, and hugs and then again when they had to leave.

I love this girl so much. She has grown up so much this past year. I love her sense of humor and how she tries not to laugh at her parents jokes. She is so thoughtful of her brothers and her friends. She is a rule follower and likes to be reassured that we are all on the right side of the law. Choosing the right comes so easy to her. She is my joy. We feel so blessed to have her in our home.

I used to wonder what in the world I was thinking, birthing a child this time of year. But maybe I was wrong. She is the perfect way to end a year and begin a new one. She has taught us so much and at times we feel like we are growing up along side her. I am honored to know her sweet spirit and how it reminds me how thankful I am to be a mother. Her mother.

Our Year.

I ain't going to lie. I cannot wait for this year to be over.

Funny how a random Tuesday night in Vernal, Utah can change your entire life. Physical address. Jobs. Schools. Sleeping habits. My feelings on gun control. Entire life - I tell you.

Never even saw it coming.

I am over the anger. The frustration. The fear. I am over the dreams lost-my dream of where and how I would raise my family. I have accepted changes that have come this year. It has taken me all year to get here.

I am Braver. Stronger. Poorer. Lonelier. Better.

2010?

Bring it.

Our changes this year could also have a little something to do with wadding knee deep in this bull crap economy. And a little something with the fact the Baums are incapable of having a plan A or B. Let's not give Beau Peterson all the credit- just 75.8% of it.

My kids are still cute. Halloween 2009. Ezra turned 3. Thanksgiving 2009. We are still alive. In pictures. In no particular order.

Surprised you didn't I? I may or may not update this private blog after all.